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13 Months later……..

December 7, 2012

Thirteen months ago, November 16, 2011, my Mom, Linda L. Polsgrove became an angel.  After someone you love dies,  you may find your life is like a huge jigsaw puzzle that has been scattered across the floor.  You work on putting it back together, and over time you find that some pieces are missing and may never be found or the pieces you have no longer fit like they did before.

I feel like I can’t get all the old pieces on the floor to come together and get my life back.  I do know that I have a whole new perspective on Life, Love and Loss. 

It’s not easy. Grief is not this buffet that you go down and just pick a little of this and that.  It’s like a jigsaw puzzle.  Everyone will handle their grief differently.  Some may choose to work on the borders first and move to the middle while others work from the middle out.  Some never even open the box. I’ve opened and closed the box, many times, and each time I think I’m making progress, I have another tragedy hit that causes me to close the box again.

Two months ago, October 9, 2012, my Daddy, Charles Gary James, Sr., became an angel. 

The jigsaw puzzle pieces I had managed to put together, became scattered on the floor again.

I’m not ready to open that box and start putting the pieces back because I’m scared.  What happens if I start again and I lose someone else?  In between my Mom passing and my Daddy, I’ve lost two of my loyal canine family.  My Niki and Maestro received their wings within 3 months of each other this year. 

I’m looking forward to the day when the memories make me smile more than cry.  Right now, I’m still mourning, grieving for how it was before and not ready to let go. 

Thirteen months later………..

I’m still trying to put that puzzle together. One piece at a time.


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